I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When are your genitals available?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
