go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
