I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
