I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
