Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
