I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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