Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I love you.
Bad choice
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
