you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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