He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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