bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
