we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
