Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
