We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
