Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
