Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
