Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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