I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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