I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
