remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize