can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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