You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
