never play flip cup with pint glasses
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
