i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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