Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
