Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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