i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
