so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
