She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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