Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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