he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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