Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
