If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
