We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
