I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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