So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
