I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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