Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
