Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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