capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
