I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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