Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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