I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
