good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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