Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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