when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
