oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
