So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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