the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
