Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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