just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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