yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
