it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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