i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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