I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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