cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
