All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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