clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
