Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
