im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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