please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
