Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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