Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
