If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
