Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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