so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
