I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
