Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
