worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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