Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
