; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
