I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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