at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
