dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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