just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
