I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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