There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
