Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
