I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
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Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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