he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
