I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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