the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
