On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
