uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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