So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
