It's Friday. Sex?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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