Nicole vs. Life
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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